Why do men cheat? It's not just a question we think you ask, it's a question we know you ask thanks to some nifty data we were given by Google. And the more we looked into the numbers, the more we realised that you ask the internet a lot of questions that begin with, "Why do men...?" From "Why do men go bald?" and "Why do men have nipples?" to "Why do men like spanking?" and "Why do men pull away when they are falling in love?" To save you the bother of scratching around questionable sources for the answers, we assembled a crack team of experts to answer every question you have about men, including a GP, qualified psychological therapist, GQ's resident sex expert and some of the finest journalists on God's green earth. Time to find out what really goes on in our heads...
Following revelations surrounding Tiger Woods' personal life in 2009, Tony Parsons offered a neat-edged summation to the mystery of male infidelity. Here is an excerpt from the piece. For the full hit, read "Why Some Men Stray" unabridged.
"Not all men stray. And some men stray for a bit and then they settle down. That is what many women find difficult to accept that sometimes a man strays not because he is a heartless, fornicating bastard but simply because he has not yet met the right girl.
As a general rule, poor men stray because of opportunity (Mavis in the stationery cupboard) and rich men stray because of a sense of entitlement (VIP areas stuffed with willing lovelies).
When Tiger Woods made his public confession after his tsunami of shagging became public knowledge, he was criticised for apologising to his corporate sponsors as well as his wife. And yet, Woods perfectly summed up why the multimillionaire alpha male can love his wife and children, and yet also love having sex with porn stars. Look beyond that sterile, stage-managed setting, and you had Woods giving the Gettysburg Address of Infidelity. "I thought I could get away with everything I wanted to," said Tiger. "I felt I had worked hard and deserved to enjoy all the temptations around me. I felt I was entitled."
He felt that he was entitled. Simple as that. Lives turned inside out, oceans of hurt and betrayal to last a lifetime, because Tiger felt they he was well within his rights to do exactly what he wanted. He summed it up perfectly. I do these things because I have earned them."
Our resident GP, Dr Alison Barwise, replies.
"It all comes down to embryology, which is the study of embryos and foetuses and how nipples develop. During weeks five to six of embryonic growth, the first stages of mammary (nipples and breasts) development occur. It is not until around week eight that a foetus starts to begin to develop male or female reproductive organs (even though the sex of a foetus is determined at the point of conception). As the foetus develops, female hormones support the development of functioning nipples whereas in a male foetus, hormones block any further development. However, as the mammary development has already occurred, the nipples simply remain anatomically present, albeit without the ability to function like the female nipples.
Men can't lactate in the same way a female can lactate because, while mens nipples may appear to look structurally up to the job, there isnt quite the same breast tissue, duct and gland network behind them or the hormones circulating in the bloodstream to support lactation.
That said, men can produce a discharge from their nipple, which is called galactorrhoea. It is always abnormal and should prompt a medical assessment. It can be caused by antidepressants, antipsychotics, cannabis, amphetamines, drugs used to treat epilepsy and blood pressure and pituitary gland tumours. So no, you can't be milked.
There is such thing as an 'extra nipple' as well. Approximately one to five per cent of men and women have an accessory nipple, like Scaramanga."
This is another one for our resident GP:
"The most common cause of baldness in men is male pattern baldness (androgenic alopecia). This condition affects up to 50 per cent of men by the time they are 50.
Androgenic alopecia is a condition caused by a genetic predisposition whereby the hair follicles in some parts of the scalp become sensitive to circulating male hormones. This causes the hair follicles to become smaller, which means that the hair is more likely to fall out.
It also results in the hairs staying in the resting phase of their growth cycle for longer than the active growing phase, which not only makes them more vulnerable to falling out, but also means the rate of hair shedding exceeds the rate of hair growth eventually leading to baldness.
Sadly, you can't prevent it from happening. Androgenic alopecia is predominantly genetically determined so there is little you can do to prevent it. There is no current evidence to support the use of dietary supplements or use of herbal remedies.
There other types of baldness that can affect you, too. Less common causes include:
Alopecia areata whereby discrete areas of baldness develop across the scalp in well demarcated patches.
Stress-related hair loss which can happen after a stressful life event and results in a diffuse thinning across the scalp.
Trichotillomania, which is a hair-pulling disorder, and can be associated with obsessive-compulsive disorder, anxiety and depression.
Scalp infections, including fungal and bacterial scalp conditions, that cause baldness often associated with patches of scaling or crusting on the head."
In researching his piece about the allure of breasts (and his resistance to the idea that bigger is better), GQ's Features Director, Jonathan Heaf, discovered:
"Historically, the idea of breasts being a turn on for men comes from the concept of signalling the greater the flesh, the riper the fruit. This is why in some parts of Cambodia, many elder tribeswomen go to great lengths to strap down, flatten with hot pebbles and generally suppress the rapidly expanding bosoms of maturing adolescent girls."
Now read the full piece, titled "Why I'm Scared Of Big Breasts".
Our resident GP replies:
"Actually, GQ, they dont. While life expectancy is increasing generally across both sexes in the UK, women are living longer than their male counterparts. Research by the Office For National Statistics, published in 2016, shows that in 2013-2015 the life expectancy at birth in the UK for men was 79.1 years and for women was 82.8 years.
So, why do women live longer than men? It's a complicated issue with many experts differing in their opinions. It is likely due to a combination of social, biological, behavioural, evolutionary and other factors that influence longevity.
Generally speaking, women have always lived longer than men, but men are closing the gap. An interesting study published in The Lancet this year by Imperial College London found that the female life expectancy advantage over men was shrinking.
It's difficult to pin down any one reason, but there are various theories including the fact that traditionally men were more likely to be exposed to industrial hazards in the workplace such as dust and fume inhalation than their female counterparts. Decreasing rates of smoking over the past 50 years may also play a part, with recent figures suggesting that, while men still generally smoke more than women, the gap between male and female cigarette consumption is closing. Men are also being encouraged through a range of national health awareness campaigns to be more proactive when it comes to their health and to seek medical advice if concerned."
We consulted with Stefan Walters on this. He's a graduate member of the British Psychological Society (BPS), a member of the British Association For Counselling And Psychotherapy (BACP) and a member of the Association For Family Therapy (AFT), so he's studied, seen and heard it all.
"There's a theory called attachment theory that states our early relationship experiences, usually with our parents, set the foundations for how we're going to respond to relationships later in life. If your parents are responsive, nurturing and safe then we learn that relationships are safe and secure. If your parents aren't very good at that; if they're busy at work, there are lots of other children around and they're too busy to give us their attention, or if they're abusive, then we might learn that relationships are unreliable.
We carry those experiences and attachments into our adult lives. If we've learned that relationships are unreliable, we learn to protect ourselves from that possible vulnerability and disappointment by putting barriers up and pushing people away because we feel vulnerable.
Attachment theory isn't specific to men, but a lot of men are brought up to show a limited range of emotions and that effects how we express our vulnerability. Lots of men are socialised to operate within two emotions positivity and anger. That then effects how you respond and communicate in relationships. If you're not allowed to show vulnerability then it limits how you can interact with someone when you're [trying to express] that emotion.
This theory largely relies on learned experiences, but there can be a biological element. You can inherit anxiety and that can mean that you're more anxious in relationships, but generally attachment styles are learned behaviours."
This one falls between our sex experts and psychologists, but we've handed over to Stefan again as BDSM is something that's tricky to unpick if you're an outsider.
"It's important to say that a lot of men have no interest in ball gags at all. But for those who do, I use the analogy of Branston Pickle. Rather than just eating cheese, for example, which is just one sensory experience, the pickle adds an extra layer even though the flavours may seem at odds. It heightens and intensifies the sensory experience. Kinks are, essentially, the same. Instead of just having sex a single pleasurable experience you're adding an experience that clashes with it like, say, pain, and that intensifies your sensory and physiological experiences.
With ball gags specifically, they limit the airways and breathing, so there's a sense of panic and being controlled. That means there's a lot of sensory experiences, psychological experiences and physical experiences mixed together, which is where the appeal lies."
Stefan replies:
"Visually, stockings trigger arousal for a lot of people because they cover up but also reveal at the same time. Visually, there's a sense of it being a bit of a tease, and the idea of teasing and wanting what you can't have is something we learn from childhood.
The same idea applies to some men's attraction to affairs with married partners. It engages a hunter's instinct, which makes men feel very predatory and want to go pursue their object of their desire. Usually, after these affairs or one-night stands, men feel less interested and ask themselves why they did it. But as long as the idea of a tease persists, as with stockings, some men can feel stimulated."
And our last reply from Stefan:
"This, again, can be related to a childhood experience. Perhaps the man was spanked and that made him feel naughty, which, in turn, made him rebellious a feeling he derided pleasure from. But it's not necessarily that simple.
For some men, it's like a therapeutic relief. Someone who has to control or discipline in their everyday life may find it therapeutic and relieving if someone else takes control. Likewise, if someone has to be polite and submissive all day, they may find a huge amount of relief in taking control and spanking. If spanking is something that a client was drawn to and it's in a consenting, controlled environment, I would advocate for that. There's nothing wrong with it."
Sex expert and GQ regular, Rebecca Newman, didn't just tell you why men like spanking, but offered a how-to guide. You can read the full piece, entitled "Happy Slapping", by following the link. The abridged reply is:
"The British live up to the stereotype: we top the global charts for watching spanking porn. Spanking is not only a fabulous act of transgression, of dominance and submission, of skill and style (involving any number of beautifully finished accessories); done right, it also confers a singularly mind-blowing sexual ecstasy whether or not it is done hard enough to 'hurt'."
The following advice is as accurate and as comprehensive as possible but it is only general advice and should not be used as a substitute for the individual advice you might receive from consulting your own doctor.
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Why do men cheat? (And the answer to every other question you have about guys) - GQ.com