Youre the star signs of a fortunate man in realms. I wont fly into you again. You wont come around like clockwork on a Sunday evening. I think I love you. You never say the same. So, I guess thats my answer then. Wish me luck. Wish you luck.Im a flame. Im a flame in a pantomime. Look out for the sleeping satellite. Souls are like the rooms in a mansion. Youre

gone into the arms of another woman. Your skin is like velvet, but taste like regret. Guess this is goodbye. Or just a veil. Ive romanced you. Youve seduced me. Im learning thatIm a celestial. Youre free. I thought wedbe together forever. Youre nearly a married man, my friend. Could have been me. But would we have been happy? I could never have given you the children you wanted.

I know you would have been satisfied with one. Sleeping with her, your muse, shes fallen. Goodbye mysterious lover. Goodbye never boyfriend. Goodbye for never given you areal chance at loving me. Again, Im dying inside. Whatever this is, I look within. I say goodbye with my head held high. Guess I wont be invited to the wedding, or, the wedding reception. Too much history there. Here. In the dark. Goodbye, old friend. To your new life. We wont be sharing anything together any more.I thought you always were half-ashamed of me. Didnt know we could have spent eternity together. So much wasted potential, so much pain. Ill always understand you. You me. I wish you and your future wife all the gladness and happiness in the world. It wont be with me. So much wasted time. I let the years go by. You were loved. Take that with you. You were cherished friend once. Now youre in love. Dont return my phone calls. Youre free. I understand everything now. Look at me. My smile stays on while my heart is breaking. Nobody wants to love wretched me. Let go.Im already gone. Faded into memory. Dont speak. Dont speak. You do that so well, so well.I will always love you. That is all I am taking with me. Tears and joy. And the despair of loneliness.

We want the same thing. Just not with each other. We desire other people to fill those hours.

You dont love me in the way I need to be loved. You see, I want a man who deserves me.You want a woman who deserves you, and who fits your high profile. Im not the one. Im not the one.If I was, youd be here now, not in hiding. Shell be your wife. Shell be your wife, and it cuts like a knife. I had feelings for you once, once. Ive surrendered you to the universe. It gave you a wife. You never came around all that often anyway. Youre feeling good. Im feeling the blues. Your wife is your hope now. Your hands. Im no superwoman. Dont even have a man to call my own. No one to love. Those days are long gone. No one. No one like the one I love. Ive gone the distance. Followed my heart. Tell you something. Must be karma. They say, read the books your father read. I waste time. I waste time. When I do, I cry.I dont need a shield for that. To display emotion. Im more together now than Ive ever been. Im letting go. Im saying good bye.Youre still beautiful to me. This morning the love of my life said that she didnt care for me, to listen to me. Perhaps sisters are like that. I dont love the men anymore. Theyve gone to the cemetery of the mind. Im not ashamed of anything Ive done. I dont have any regrets. I never started a war. Conflict makes my blood boil. Once I was under his spell,but he never chose me. Did not love me. He wanted to hide me away from the world. Your sad songs stopped my heart. They kill me now. I tried to fall in love, I failed, but Im wiser now. I tried to teach him that I was hurt too, but he walked right on by, said goodbye.

I wanted to say, please dont go, but he didnt give me a chance. He just made me wise. Dont dedicate anything to me, he said. Im not that kind of person. Did Einstein have fangs like me, did he love like me? For sure science stopped his heart like it does me. You were always there.I am in space dementia, my collective soul feeling megalomaniac. Ive been bruised black and blue.I have been wounded, eyes on fire with no cash.Time has all the answers, whether you want to decode the moon, the planets, the sun, or just want to love, fall in love, leave a lover. My lungs are made of iron, and flightless bird. I want it all.I want everything. Who will I love eventually? Who will love me for a lifetime, an eternity? Im tired of waiting. It feels like Ive been waiting forever. There are micro cuts on my fake heart. Say that you will love me anyway. Hes gone.And all I want to be is where the boys are, the guys. The older men with their ways, premium brand of cigarettes. Take me up there all the time. Take me.Take me to the museum. Take me to the muscle museum. Teach me to love him. Teach me to care for him. To bury my secrets deep. Encore. Nothing like love to heal the broken-hearted. Encore, after encore. Im falling like a flightless bird. A flightless little bird, scared-shitless, yet still flying.

And I still believe in freedom, you know that.Youre king. Your land is king. Your ocean-sea isking. Together we go. Im going to make a mistake. Im going to get gone. No one loves me in this place. Waiting for someone to save me is a useless exercise. It kills me to say this that nobody loves me like I do. That I matter like nuclear energy to no one. Im priceless. Love me for me. No ones around. So, I walk alone. Always on my own.No more hurt now. Only triumph. No more trials. Step back wolf. Dont embrace me. Im a ghost in the wilderness. Ghosts dont change no one. Just an illusion shaped like a human being though. Your love sure looks good to me. Ive seen better days. River of dark nights upon me again. Save me, why dont you save me my love, love, and old friend; youre all loved up now with kids on the way. I need you, but nobody needs me. Im dead to the world.It came from Japan. It came from Hiroshimas lonely. You cut her. He cut her. You cut her hair.She sleeps alone. This rain that is falling is a miracle. No one wants that persons reflection in the mirror. No one wants to love her, to love me.Nobody misses her. Even her words are lonely.She remembers all of their wounds, her wounds,his wounds. Shes torn the miracle now. Turned paradise into hell. But shes an athlete. So, endures.

Come back again and say you love me, Orpheus. You smile back at me. We dance. Im in your arms again. Youre my angel. Ive found an angel. I prayed, ate bowls of fire, was lit from the inside like two suns. The fire was you. The fire was your love. Spring came into my life. I am transformed. I am your metamorphosis. You are my love, the love of my love. I am yours everlasting, my Rilke. I am yours, yours, yours forevermore.

I am your sonnet clasping an ever-fixed star. No indelible mark left on this earthy plane of the ache of heartbreak. Weve overcome it all for winter is gone now. That season forsaken. After winter comes the spring. Youre all tenderness. Call me love or beloved. You speak with your reading hands. Signs are everywhere. Your hope for commitment to the laws of love. All its rituals. Companionship. Respect. Admiration. The owl flits through the air. Content with their lot in life. They are loved. I am adored. They are praised. I am worshipped. Theres no more room for glimmers of loss and emptiness. No more time for anguish in my life. This is the love of the ancients. Time spent drinking tea has become our ritual now. Our paradise. I smile. Old souls growing old together. Joy. Delivered from growing old alone. The sea speaks only of the beloved to me now. Everything can be cured now. Wars especially. Perhaps the recession. Even global warming. Other than that, there are no obstacles in our way. Those days of waiting for someone is gone. Theres nothing that I regret. For now, all we have is each other. That is enough. You bring me flowers. The world of love brings me flowers. Winners. Tomorrow we will be the winners. I lift up my head. Youre staring at your newspaper. I make the breakfast. You make the tea while listening to the radio. I make a fuss. Youre careful not to shout when I do. You forgive. You forgive me. Thats never happened before. When Im sad, you read to me. You take my hand and order me to dance. Tell me that you love me, only me. I dreamed a dream. You exist because of that dream. Our love, love exists because of that dream. Theres no ransom. No thunder in this house because of you. Only you. Joy, joy. Theres only sunshine, even when it rains. Love is an echo from my distant past, it has bewitched the deep of my soul. Im living in a cage. It is swell, and ancient, and beautiful there, except that Im longing to see my love. Your name is horizontal, your love is like a disease, and all I want is pleasure.

This is the end of tenderness and inspiration, this is the end of lust and silence is translated into the accompaniment of joy, and these books are singing to me joyfully. In the bedroom it is night and day, and I think of one of father friends that I may be secretly in love with. How strong and handsome he is, how he buried a son. How I did not bury my dead great-uncle who hung himself from the rafters in an outside toilet. This is what the world is coming to. Theres tenderness in the break of day, the breaking of the waves, the sure vibrations in them, the vigour of the sun. And all I can think of is death, and death by suicide, and how there are no photographs of my paternal grandfathers siblings. Dennis was a ruffian., and died a ruffians death. The daughters were blonde, and now they are dead too. The root of the flame is found in space, and environment, and cause, and the issue of blood. I know everything there is to know about the issue of blood. I carry endometriosis inside of me, in much the same way I carry infertility. Lenny come back. Dennis come back. Winifred and Bea, let down your ringlets. I want to go to Jamestown. I want to go to Saint Helena. I want to find myself there amongst Napoleons flora, and fauna. And for the first time in my life I feel that I matter. Company does not anchor me; it is strangers that anchor me. I am fading, fading, fading away. How strange to see this kind of decay in someone as young as me. 40-years young. This is the end of me, the end of me writing like this, writing poetry like this. And the more I think of my great-uncles suicide, the more I think about death. Hes a chameleon, hes an aroma, hes a man with some incident of childhood trauma in his life. And I am a woman with some incident of childhood trauma in my own blind life. Perhaps in another life my typhoon, I will be a paperback writer, or novelist.

I find something to identify with every type of creative there is, even the typhoon spilling words into the air. Im going into chronic-overachiever mode again, a lesson in humility to build my confidence, nothing (but we lost it) tragic there, all I want to do is make a name for myself, youre beautiful, youre perfect, youre the rain pouring (but we lost it) down, washing my sins away, youre my church, dogma, religion, controversy, and youre all I want. All I see, (but we lost it) want is that holy feeling when Im around you, but all we have is days, not weeks, not years, and you dont (but we lost it) want to come back here. Im a fan trucking, my love, my love, youre interwoven into my gene pool, my bloodline, (but we lost it) youre here, but youre already gone, and you havent said those magic words, you havent said that you love (but we lost it) me, Cleopatra, you dont need me like I need you. You want Prague, and I want Rainer Maria Rilke. You want (but we lost it) to speak Czech, and I want Milan Kunderas inspiration, and creativity, and the priorities that informed his writing. (but we lost it) Im once in a house on fire, in a hospital ward, in high care. I want it all from Amherst to Washington, dont leave (but we lost it) but youve never listened to me a day in your life, so you wont start now. Im a work in progress, not so much a (but we lost it) great success like you with your life planned out, instead my depression has mapped out my entire life, its detailed (but we lost it) text uncompromising and you protect me most days, but other days Im out there on my own, fighting alone, the boat (but we lost it) is going down, Im swimming for my life now, reading Salinger as if it was about us, blood sisters, reading Hemingway on driving ambulances during the war, (but we lost it) the billions of peaks and troughs of the waves, I love you more than life itself, break, break, break, you watch me break. (but we lost it). Im reading Martin Amis, Im reading Kingsley Amis, Im reading your mind, kismet, palmistry, astrology in the stars. (youre a stranger) Dont leave me here, on my own, but you want to be free. You want to love, distance, you want to hurt but without me.

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